I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
