Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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