Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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