If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
