we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
