i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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