You really coming over, don't trick.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
