I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
