at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
