My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
