I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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