so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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