Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
