Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
