that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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