are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
