I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
