Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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