Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
