I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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