i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
This house was built for laser tag.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
