Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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