PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
