Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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