turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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