the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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