how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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