It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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