I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
