If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
