next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
