You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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