I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize