the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
