Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
