her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
