I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
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COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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