I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
