Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
