wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
