I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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