I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
