About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
