I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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