I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
