What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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