if only i could text you this smell
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
