Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
