lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
