You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
