Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
