is your mom at the bar?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
