i don't like sucking hair
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
