If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
did you just send me my own nude
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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