Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
