I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
