she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
