Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
