For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
