I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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