I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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