The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
