I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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