And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
nutella sex= disaster
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
