i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You should frame my arrest warrant.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
