Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
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New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.