I think I am morally bankrupt
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.