I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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