i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.