I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
