I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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