Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
