For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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