i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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